Ben age 17, such a great pic, not sure who took this

Ben’s 38th birthday, 21 Feb 2022

You were born, my Benjamin, on February 21st at 11:38 in the morning in a town just a little north of Chicago. There was a fierce snowstorm outside. My labor was short and hard. At one point you stopped breathing. So did I. When you were finally born, when I saw your face for the first time and held you in my arms, I couldn’t breathe again, this time for joy.

My first son. No words can describe this love.

I loved being your mom. Every single day. I still do. I always will.

Same day as the photo above. You said, “Wow it’s bright out here!” And I snapped the photo.

This was initially a song I’m trying to write (I Will Try) but it sucks and is far from ready. I recorded the audio instead. Some memories. Are you still making music? When I try to compose, I stumble in the dark, but you, my beautiful son, soar.

Please fly home soon.


vid, audio “Adrenaline junkie from age 2…” w/his missing poster, our contact info

Ben (age 18) and his silly mom whose new nose surprised him and his friends. I love his laugh. Ben made the necklace I’m wearing in the 7th grade. It reads, “I love you, Mommy.” He was never ashamed to tell me he loved me or for me to hug him, even when he was a teenager.

Feature image by Ben Archer. This was Ben’s icon on WordPress.