I wonder who wasn’t so lucky. Hmm.
I entered a poetry contest yesterday. One of their November themes is “fantasy.” I thought I’d put it here, too, with context. This is Day 10 of my NaNo Skyrim Fanfic. It’s going great. This daily mini-break from reality is extremely relaxing. I want peace on earth to begin with me, but I also need to find a way to stop swearing at the news. This works well.
17th of Last Seed
5th and 6th, Hearthfire (Riften)
It’s done. We made it through the Ratway with little resistance – at least not for my companions. I didn’t have to heal them much.
When we entered the Flagon, I heard a man’s voice.
“Give it up, Brynjolf, those days are over. You, Delvin, Vex, you’re all part of a dying breed.”
I walked to Brynjolf and waited politely. My companions waited at a table.
“Dying breed, eh. Then what do you call this? Color me impressed, lass,”
“Getting here was easy,” I said. I didn’t say, …because I had a lot of help.
“Reliable and headstrong? You’re turning out to be quite the prize.”
Something about Brynjolf’s praise lifted my spirits. He was tough as nails, so compliments like this felt like a gift.
Brynjolf asked me to talk to three people who owe the Guild money and convince them to pay it back. This is why I have a lot of enemies now. I asked how to handle each person, and he gave me good tips.
When I explained my next task to the others, Inigo’s eyes lit up.
“This will be easy. You know the weakness of each person.” He rubbed his hands together and grinned. “You can do this, Jade.”
“Aye,” said Kaidan. “We’ll wait for you here.”
Lydia stood up. “I am your sword…”
“and her shield, yes we KNOW Lydia,” said Lucien. “But Jade needs to do this alone. She’ll be fine. She doesn’t have to fight anyone. Right?” He looked at me worriedly.
“No, I don’t.”
I went to Haelga’s bunkhouse and clumsily slipped her golden statue of Dibella under my cloak. She nearly saw me and no doubt suspected what I was doing.
“So, should I drop this statue down a well?” I tried to sound tough.
“No, please! Not Lady Dibella. Here!” She shoved a purse of gold at me. “It’s all there. I hope Brynjolf chokes on it.”
I entered the Bee and Barb and saw Talen-Jai. When he asked me if I would like to try one of the house specials, I pretended interest, then whispered, “You might want to talk to Keerava.”
“With the rumors going around about how poorly your Guild’s been doing, she’s become much too bold. I’m not that foolish. The last thing I want is a war with your people.”
“Then help me convince her to pay,” I whispered.
“Look, I’m only telling you this because I care for her. Don’t mistake this as acceptance for what you do. Keerava has some family at a farm just inside of Morrowind. If you mention you know about it, she might just listen to you. Just please, don’t harm anyone. I couldn’t bear the thought.”
“I won’t,” I promised him.
I approached Keerava. She smiled at me. I was a paying customer and had bought a lot of food and drink in the past two days.
“Here for a room or something to drink?”
I hesitated.
She stared at me a bit impatiently. “You want something or not?”
“I have a message for you from Brynjolf.”
She looked at me, shocked. Her disappointment was almost worse than facing a dragon.
“I already told that buffoon I’m not paying you people a single coin!” Anger clouded her face.
“It was never a request,” I said quietly.
“Look around you, I’m barely keeping this rathole together. The war’s seen to that.”
My heart went out to her. I wanted to say, “It’s fine, I’ll pay your debt for you,” but I knew that wasn’t allowed. Instead, I said, “It’s out of my hands.”
“Then go back to your boss and tell him what I’ve already told him so many times, I lost count.”
I didn’t want to threaten her family. It felt like a terrible thing to do. She and Talen-Jei were good people. Yet, I had made my choice. My friends were waiting for me. I couldn’t fail them.
“Maybe I should visit that farm in Morrowind,” I whispered. I couldn’t look at her.
She gasped. “How could you possibly know about… Please. My family means too much to me. Don’t hurt them.”
“Then pay up, and I’ll forget about it,” I said. I glanced up and then away. I was going to Oblivion for this.
“Very well. Here. Take this back to Brynjolf and tell him he’ll have no more trouble from me.”
I left the inn hastily.
The last person I needed to speak to was Bersi. Brynjolf had said to smash his urn. Those things were pretty sturdy, so I was puzzled about how to do it. I entered his small, dark store and saw the urn sitting in a place of honor on top of a dresser by the window. As I stared at it, contemplating how to even make a dent in it, Bersi spoke.
“Oh no. It’s you.”
I turned to him, puzzled. How fast do rumors travel here anyway? Did Haelga dash in here for something and tell him about how I strongarmed her already?
“I have a message from Brynjolf,” I said.
“Oh, there’s no need for any violence!” said Bersi, panicked. “And look, here! I have all his gold ready for you.”
I took the gold, speechless, turned and left.
When I got back to the Flagon, Brynjolf praised my success.
“Follow me,” he said, “and I’ll show you what we’re really about.”
I turned to my friends, who were still waiting in the Ragged Flagon. They beamed at me and gave me the thumbs up. All but Lydia. She was frowning in confusion.
“We’ll be at the Bee and Barb when you get back, Jade,” said Lucien.
“Well done, Love,” said Kaidan.
“You might want to avoid the Bee and Barb for a bit and hang out here.” I smiled weakly at them. I still felt like I needed a long soak in the hot springs I had read about. Perhaps someday. I waved and followed Brynjolf.
“Stern looks do not disturb me,” said Inigo. “We will be fine.”
“Yes,” said Lucien. “Besides, our rooms are paid for until tomorrow morning, so we have a right to be there.”
Later, Kaidan scowled when I told everyone about the exchange with Mercer, the Guild Leader, and Brynjolf, and about my next job.
“I don’t trust this Mercer person. It’s like he is setting you up to fail. If one of their best operatives couldn’t do this, how are you supposed to?”
I nodded. The thought of breaking into a veritable fortress of mercenaries terrified me.
“After I spoke to Brynjolf and you all came back here, I spent a lot of gold getting sneaking lessons from Delvin,” I said. “He seems to think the guild is cursed or something.”
Inigo looked thoughtful.
“How did you fare with Vex?” asked Kaidan. “She looked like a tough nut.”
I grinned. “Well, I pretended to be you.”
He looked startled.
“Oh, did you strut and talk funny?” asked Lucien. He was laughing.
“I do not strut,” said Kaidan. He glowered at Lucien.
“Did you stand on your tiptoes?” asked Lydia. “He’s very tall.” She looked at Kaidan, then away, blushing.
Kaidan chuckled.
“No. She started in on me right away. ‘I’m the best infiltrator, so let’s get this straight.’
“What did you say?” asked Lucien, leaning forward.
“Back off, I know the drill.” I grinned, remembering.
“Oh, very good, my friend. What was her response?” Inigo asked.
“She smiled and said, ‘Now, you, I’m beginning to like. We’re going to get along just fine.’ I was so relieved I almost started giggling, but I kept my face impassive.”
“Well done,” said Inigo.
“Thinking on your feet, Aye, well done indeed,” said Kaidan.
“These people are tough, but I already like them,” I said. “I especially like Brynjolf. He gives praise, but he teaches too. I feel as if he is a mentor. And I like the way Delvin talks. His voice isn’t musical like yours, Kai, but it’s interesting.”
“It’s good that you’re in the Guild now. This will be very helpful,” said Kaidan.
Later, I whispered to Kaidan before we slept.
“I wrote you a poem. Want to hear it?” I hadn’t yet told him about these letters, though he knew I wrote every chance I could in my journal.
“Of course, sweetheart.” He turned to me.
“It’s called ‘Beautiful Stranger’.” I blushed, and though it was dark, I knew he could hear the shyness in my voice. “It’s a poem and a secret I have kept from you.”
“Go on. I’ll hear it.” He stroked my arm.
I whispered each line slowly.
BEAUTIFUL STRANGER
My life was a cage
Cushioned and prosperous.
Inside I grew softer,
Unaware of my unhappiness.
“You will be a healer.”
My mother spoke with certainty.
“A wife and mother,”
said my father, unequivocally.
For years I was obedient.
Unwavering in duty.
Yet I knew the truth of it.
The gods meant nothing to me.
Neither marriage nor motherhood
Had ever beckoned my heart.
Then, one day, I met you,
And my cushioned life fell apart.
I was browsing in Bits and Pieces
When you walked through the door.
I turned to you, and you looked at me
Like no one ever had before.
Your face was an unexplored universe,
Your gaze felt like an invitation.
You smiled at me and winked,
Obviously noting my captivation.
I left the store hastily,
Not knowing where I was going.
I didn’t know your name,
But I felt a longing in me growing.
That night I began writing
long letters to a stranger,
and my heart, joyfully unbound,
poured out on paper.
This prison was not my life.
I would be free of it at last.
I began making plans to leave,
To reject my destiny, to shed my past.
I didn’t know your name.
Yet when you turned and smiled at me,
You gave my longing a voice.
I knew I wanted to be free.
I would begin a new life.
I would travel to another place.
I might never see you again
Or look into your face…
Yet, I thank you, beautiful stranger,
For your smile in Sayma’s store.
From the moment I saw you,
In a way, I followed you
out the door.
CAYTLYNN CONTARINI OF SOLITUDE (JADE THE FEARLESS)
Kaidan was silent for so long that I was sure he hated my poem. Then he took me into his arms and began kissing me.
It is hours later, near dawn, as I write all this by the fire. I finally told him about this journal and promised to let him read it.
Before I fell asleep, Kaidan whispered softly against my ear, “You are blood of my blood and of my bone. I am yours forever, Dragonborn.”*
*This is (approximately) one of Kaidan’s lines. He’s so romantic that he makes me blush sometimes. I’m including dialogue from the game and mods makers as often as possible. Their mods are immersive, creative, and often hilarious. In fact, most of my Skryrim screenshots are to preserve dialogue lines.
Some Skyrim Screenshots
I created a video for my beautiful Mom (one of my beta readers) so that she could see some of the scenery and people I’m writing about this year. Once I finish NaNo, I will keep my promise to finish Her Angel from December 1st until it’s finished. You can hold me to that.
Meanwhile, here’s the video. As I note in the liner blurb, Lucien makes you think. Inigo makes you laugh. Kaidan makes you feel. Thank you, Liv, Joseph, and Smart Blue Cat, for the constant inspiration.
In case you have the skill and time, 3d artists are very much needed to get this released by the projected date in 2025. So psyched! This is a bit gorey (Halloween-themed), but it lets you see how far the community has come to realize this dream.
Niki Flow 